Next Stop Victoria

Leaving Jasper, I felt this sadness. Not only to be leaving the new friend I had made, but leaving my beautiful luxury hotel room , and the beauty of the landscape. I was sad knowing I would be forced upon a train for about 14 hours, and not have the freedom to climb up the side of a mountain anytime I chose to.

I took one of the few seats left available, settled myself and began to write.

I wrote a little… but wasn't quite in the mood. I put my laptop away, and headed up to the dome car to say goodbye to the mountains as we drove out of them.

As we were passing through such beauty, and it was such a clear day out, the dome car was packed. I grabbed the only empty two-seater and like everyone else, pressed my nose against the window. 

We passed through the mass mountains encompassing us on either side like giant fortresses. 

Lots of people say that Mount. Robson is a sight to be seen. I wasn't quite sure I would understand that. how could it be any different from the mass structures I was already staring in awe at. When I saw it, I knew! It was larger than all the others, and we practically drove right beneath it. The dome car has glass ceilings, and as I peered directly up, I felt as though I was at the base of the CN tower. The mountain is so high, that it usually creates it's own weather, and is only visible between 9 - 14 days a year. I was lucky, it was one of those remarkable days.

I stayed in the dome car for a couple hours as we slowly headed out of the mountains. There was a polite Spanish exchange student in the dome car running from side to side, with his fancy camera taking pictures of the beauty. When the car was full he asked if he could sit next to me and we started chatting. We chatted for about an hour or so, while some very misbehaved children ran around the car screaming and playing. 

His name is William, and he grew up in Spain. He decided to fly to Toronto and take the train to Vancouver, where he would be going to school to study English. He eventually went to have dinner, and I stayed in the dome car for a while.

I had dinner a little later in the dinning car. I sat across from these very friendly looking people, and as I talked to them more and more, I felt like they were the parents I never had. They owned a huge house and property where their children came to visit them a lot. They were brother and sister and lived together to take care of each other. They seemed quite informative, and told me lots to do to keep busy in Victoria (which happened to be where they were headed). We chatted a lot about Ontario, and Victoria. I told them I keep my eyes out for them on the ferry, and I did.

After dinner I got back to writing. I was at in for about an hour or so when William appeared. He just happened to be occupying the seat in front of mine. He sat with me and showed me his pictures of his trip so far. He had over two-thousand pictures. We chatted a bit and headed back to the dome car. We ended up hanging out there for a couple hours and what William referred to it as, painting.

Essentially, he was setting his camera's shutter speed to be extremely slow. So the camera would be more light sensitive. We started playing with lights and what-not… here's the best of what we came up with.

After painting I met some of the other people William had been hanging out with on the train. There was a wicked lady, a trucker, with an awesome personality. She was snappy, and witty, liked to drink, smoke and have a good time. She was in her late 30s, and travelling across Canada to pick up a truck and drive it back. 

There was Hugh, a 19-year-old Montreal born frenchman. He had a "Gangster" (his words , not mine) attitude, attire, and demeanour. His english wasn't very good, and he didn't try as hard as William to understand. He had decided to walk across Canada. He was starting in Vancouver, and walking back to Montreal. Seemed like a crazy trip, but even for his age, I could tell he was mentally prepared for it.

There were Jeff and Will, brothers travelling with their mom for a vacation and to visit some family. They were mildly attractive, and maybe a year older than me.

We all stepped off the train in Kamloops so they could have a couple smokes. 

Once the train started up again we all headed to the luxury class's dome car.  We all drank a lot, chatted and laughed as the train twisted and turned through countless tunnels. Hugh's was playing some old classic dance hits, and at one point Jeff, Will and myself were dancing to daft punk's around the world in the aisle of the dome car. It's not as easy as you think it might be as the train speeds along.

The brother's popped some mushrooms, and we kept joking about riding on a snake. Which I understood by looking out towards the front of the train, and seeing the whole thing wrapping around the mountains, and disappearing again into another tunnel.

I got back to my seat around 4. WIlliam was sleeping, and even though I said I would wake him, I didn't.

I slept for a couple hours, and heard the last call for breakfast. If it was last call, then we were pretty close to Vancouver.

Hugh, William and I sat in the dome car together chatting. There was a nervous feeling of uncertainty and excitement in the air. We joked and laughed, as we made our way to pick up our baggage. He saw Jeff and Will and say bye. I waved goodbye to the nice brother and sister I had dinner with the night before.

I said goodbye to Hugh and wished him the best of luck. It seemed pretty crazy what he was doing. However 19 was the prime male age to do so, and I know he will arrive home a different man, from the boy who started out. Or maybe he'll be like Nate, find somewhere he loves, and decide not to leave.

William and I were left. We picked up our luggage and I said goodbye. He gave me his e-mail, and I told him when I came back into Vancouver, I would let him know and we could go take pictures somewhere in the city.

I turned away and headed to my bus. Next stop Victoria.

My Date with Nate

I awoke to the sound of children screaming. They were arguing with each other about something. It sounded like they broke something as well. I wondered why they were in my room. I sat up quickly confused by this thought. I sat up way too quickly and my head stung. I realized the children were actually in the television. Children in TV appear louder than they actually are.

I lurched across the hotel room and shut it off. I closed the curtains and shut out the blinding light of the sun. With my head swirling, I clambered back over to my bed. 9:20, OUCH!

My phone beeped.

The neighbours were in the doorway.

The housekeeping was vacuuming above me.

My phone beeped.

The housekeeping was cleaning the room to my left.

My phone beeped again.

I began replying to the onslaught of texts.

The housekeeping was cleaning the room to my right. 

At about 11:15 I stopped trying to sleep. I felt horrible, but I knew sleeping was not an option. I got up slowly, and wondered why it was that my head hurt extremely so. I went to the living room and checked out the bottle of gin. Half gone, ah, it all makes sense now.

I quite slowly showered and tried to drink a hell of a lot of water. I was a mess.

One of the texts I had received was from Nate, "Breakfast?"

I remembered we had planned a day of breakfast cooked by the cook. Then hiking through the mountains on the opposite side of town from where I had been the day before.

I headed back across town and had some breakfast at his place. Water, scrambled eggs, water, hash browns, and water. I met a couple of his roommates. Seemed like fun guys, good sense of humours. Two of them were in much worse shape that me. Apparently they had got to a different after-hours party, one that was only a split-second thought the night before.

After breaky we headed out to the mountains. We crossed the Athabaska river and had to stop and marvel at the view.

We hiked a little over half way up the path, and I felt like I was dying. We stopped for a break to drink some water, and catch our breath. We sat on some rocks and were chatting. All of the sudden it felt like someone was right behind us. I turned around and saw a whole lot of someones. In fact it was a whole heard of goats. They were about six or seven metres from us grazing away, not minding us being there at all. I thought it was so great and I couldn't stop staring at them. We sat amongst the herd for about twenty minutes before continuing our climb to the top. 

Once there the view was spectacular. Jasper looked so tiny and quaint, nestled snugly in the landscape. We sat up top there for at least an hour.Afterwards he lead me down to a nearby lake. The water was so clear and beautifully coloured. We sat by the lake for some time.

I could not have asked for better weather. The sun was shinning, hardly any clouds. There was a light cool breeze that whistled in fresh cool air off the mountains. The conversation was one of the best. Nate is a great guy to talk to. We spoke about family, video games, cartoons, movies, economy, society, politics, spiritually, tv shows, and must have laughed most of the day away. He's got great views on the world, and keeps strong open-minded opinions about the way the world is. Not to mention has great stories to share.

We walked back into town and were faced with some Elk. I've never seen Elk before, and was completely impressed with their massive size and calm attitude. The only time I've ever seen Elk before was at High Park Zoo, and they were not half as close. We walked within 10 feet of them. Nate was not impressed at all. He actually seemed a bit annoyed with the Elk, like they were in the way and should stay out of town. They were grazing on some grass about a block away from downtown.

We walked back downtown and I headed back to hotel to start packing up my stuff. I fell asleep for a while, and awoke to a text from Nate asking if i wanted to watch a movie.

I went over to his place and we ordered a pizza, and watched Sherlock Holmes. I feel it's a really well done movie, and I quite enjoyed it.

Afterwards he asked me to stay the night, and although I considered the thought I declined and he walked me back to my hotel. We said our goodbyes and I said goodnight to the mountains for the last time.

Awesome Show

Last evening I returned home from work and was exhausted. I took a quick nap, and made a couple phone calls to a couple people who were suppose to be heading out later in the evening. The plan was to go see a buddy's band in a nearby venue. I was exhausted, and FORCED myself to get dressed and head out to the bar.
The show was great. I had only been in there once or twice before, and I completely forgot where the venue part of the place was. I stood at the bar for a bit and called a bunch of people who were supposed to be there. No one answered. Finally I got a little daring, and ventured around until I found the live music area and payed my fee to get in. As soon as I did, I was cornered by this regular from my work. After about ten minutes he had chatted intensively on and on about nothing, and all I wanted was to listen to the band. This was not the band I had come to see, but I still wanted to see them. I recognized a good friend I hadn't seen in months, and made my escape.
It was good convos, and I forgot how much I enjoy his company. It was nice to have a good conversation with someone who I knew wouldn't judge me. He talked about setting me up with one of his friends that sounded like fun, but I cringe at the thought of going on a date.
I wished all the boys good luck before the show, and they all thanked me for coming.
The band began to play, and they were amazing. Modern day Nirvana sound. Hard loud, grungy with a bit of a modern-day feel. I was completely into it! Rocking my head and swaying my body. It was the second time I had seen a band which consisted almost completely of my friends. To be honest I was shocked how great they were. Catchy songs, with harsh components. Melodic lines, and sexy screaming.  One song really stood out, the melodies for verses and choruses were catchy, but not repetitive. Then the whole band dropped out to leave an artful but yet complex guitar lick. Then all the instruments would come back in to compliment it. At one point a mosh pit almost started, only there was too many tables nearby to necessitate enough room to do so.
During and after the show I noticed that there were many attractive young men in the room. I was running out of time, as I needed to disappear quickly after the show. I at one point almost bumped into a very rugged man to introduce my friend to, but he left before the opportunity presented itself.

New Years

I am not the kind of person who likes to make New Year's resolutions. Whenever I have in the past I end up breaking them at some point during the year... then I treat them more as guidelines, until they are eventually forgotten.

I do know that my life is completely FUCKED right now in terms of taking care of myself. The endless parade of parties, drinks, bars, drinks, men, drinks, joints, drinks, drinks, and more drinks. Not to mention my complete disregard for diet or sleep schedule.

Instead of making rules to follow to better my life, I've decided to take a more so analytical approach to the new year.

2009 was not necessarily a good year for me. In January I moved into my own place. In April I started my second job, and have been working about sixty hours a week since. In June was the completion of my relationship. The summer flew by in drunken haze of socializing, drinking, parties and what-not. Through-out August and September I spent every waking

minute with a best friend. Things got complicated as they always do, and that relationship was cast away. The pain of that still hasn't quite subsided on certain days. I've also had a lot of bad luck and many disappointing social situations. Obviously there has been some good stuff too, but as a creature of the darkened world, I can't help but dwell on the negative.

My analytical side has allowed me to discover that throughout the negative quarries of 2009, there are many useful lessons that I can learn from these situations, and mistakes of the past year. Hopefully I can take these lessons with me as I grow.

Some of these include....

Be true to yourself, admit when you are unhappy, and try to change things to make yourself happy.

Keep an eye on your instincts, and stick to your standards.

Don't be afraid of your feelings.

It you want something, go after it. Don't let your fear or anyone else's stop you from what you want.

Just because it sounds like fun, think about the damage to yourself internally.

If someone isn't everything you are looking for, they are not the right person for you. Don't waste your energy.

Minefield of broken thoughts

Insomnia has struck again. It seems to be the strongest when my free time is abundant. My mind is left wandering (racing) through an abandoned minefield of broken thoughts and hurt feelings.
It drifts from lost memories of my ex and good christmases; to my annoyance for letting David's warmth pass by me, without ever letting him know my side; to my brief flush with Mike, who thought things were far more than they were; to the guy I've recently crushed on who now seems to have a lack of interest in my company.... and on and on.... Here I am faced with all these thoughts of situations that I am disappointed in the results.
I sit here wondering if I could clearly sort it all out, would these unhappy feelings dissipate... Or is that a pipe-dream? I feel internally we are mirrored by our external shell. We slowly accumulate scars, we carry them with us, and over time they weigh us down.
Hopefully we are strong enough to climb out of bed and meet that battle everyday, no matter how difficult or how outnumbered you may be, you fight.
Learn from these scars, these battle wounds, they only get worse as you get older.
I feel as though my minefield is packed full of these monstrous thoughts, I have been fighting them for quite a while now. I want to lie down and let them destroy my body and mind with scars. I know I can not.

Drinks anyone?

This morning I climbed into bed at 10am. Another night of ridiculous drinking until stupid-o-clock. Although I have been social for most of my life, I feel as though 2009 was a year of constant drunkenness. I feel a bit embarrassed when I think back to the amount of booze I have consumed, or all the nights which seemed never to end.
I did take a week off to detoxify my system, so I am sure that I do not have an extreme problem. But I am a little relentless in my partying. In fact this week I have gone out practically every night.
I don't really believe much in new years resolutions, but I feel that this new work position will enforce me to be more responsible with my sleep pattern, eating, and most importantly obsessive drinking in the new year. We'll see...
Last night I finished work and headed over to a friends house. i went with a couple people I work with, and some random guys that were guests in the bar that night. One was a particularly good looking young man with whom I spent the majority of the night chatting with. I knew that nothing would happen between us, and I sometimes wonder why I even try... Even still, I had a very good time all and all, and made some new friends. I also learned a very valuable lesson... if you leave the party at 7am, do not go somewhere seven times further from your own home.

Why men are afraid to ask for directions

Siting on the top of the steps outside Union station, I am waiting to meet my friend. Watching the endless parade of rush-hour pedestrians, I am content. Instead of listening to my I-pod, I take in the city; smelling hot dog vendors, listening to the buzz, and inhaling the fumes of rush hour traffic.
I notice a group of teenagers come up from the subway and stop on the street. They look around confused as the change between tiny underground tunnels to big loud, bright streets can sometimes do. Seeming disorientated they begin to argue quietly between them. I know it is because they are somewhat lost.
I wonder if they would ask for directions and how long it might take to do so. Out of the group of five, the one male finally approaches me, "Excuse me, do you know where Yonge street is?"
I offer the simple directions, and he walks back to his group of girls; they continued away.
I sat wondering if this was the reason to which men hated asking for directions. Often being forced to do so early in life time and time again. Later in life they get grumpy; refusing to pull over and ask. They keep driving in circles, getting more and more lost. They are hoping to recognize something, anything that will point them in the direction of the event they are already running half an hour late for. They have been in this town too many times to count, but years of embarrassing, "it's just one block that way" answers repeating through their thoughts, are making it impossible to consider stopping the car for anything less than a red.